Disillusioned.

I’m really disillusioned.

Lost hope. Lost faith. Lost confidence.

Lost everything.

What’s the point of being so optimistic? What’s the point of being so hopeful everyday?

What do you hope for?

Sorry. But this is reality. The reality is, you will not get what you hope for.

The more you want it, the more impossible it is for you to get it.

I’m so stupid. So stupid to only realise this sad fact now.

And I also realised that the concept of true love is really very dumb.

Am I right? Am I wrong?

I guess I have changed from being an optimist to being a pessimist.

I have been thinking a lot these few days.

I might appear to be joking as usual, blogging crap as usual, suaning people on blogs as usual.

Underneath this mask lies a very vexed person.

The more I think, the more I am convinced that things really aren’t right.

Do you really get what you wish for?
Do you really get what you hope for?

Of course, people might say as long as you work hard, you can get whatever you want.

They always say those who put in effort will be rewarded.

Bullshit.

Ask yourself. You make wishes every now and then. You work hard for them. How many of them come true?

You give in to others, but do they appreciate?

You sacrifice yourself for the sake of someone important, but do they know? Or rather, do they care?

Some do, some don’t, and there are some who question why.

And of course, there are some idiots who are so obsessed in earning big bucks that they decide to sacrifice the most important people in their lives – friends.

And expect them to give in to him.

I always have this thought. Give out your best to others, and it will not only do you good, but people will cherish you more.

Be yourself. And people will like you more.

I am questioning all these again back in my mind.

All along I have been an optimist. I have always hoped for nice and beautiful things to happen.

Even if lousy things happen to me, I always tell myself that things will only become better. One day, they will understand.

It doesn’t seem to be the case.

It never rains but it pours.

The more you wish for something, the more it will never happen.

Hopes are being brought up into the skies and will come crashing down on you.

The more effort you put in doesn’t guarantee success.

Your life will be a standstill if you continue to be a good person. Nothing much will change. People will always take you for granted.

The good will always suffer in silence for they always think of others and get nothing in return.

Human being are borned self-centred. They always care for themselves. They never think about others. They need constant reminders in various forms to think of others.

The only time they care is only when they want something.

How amusing. I’m a human being. And I only realised these traits from others until now.

Sad but true fact of life.

The world is void of feelings. I always believe true love exist. That is all bullshit. It only exists in dramas.

Even if it does exist, no one will know; no one will see it. Because they only care about themselves. By the time they know, it’s all gone. They have given up hope.

So does true love exist?

Maybe different people have different sets of thinking.

Is money the most important aspect of life? Why do you want so much money for? Is it worth sacrificing the time you spend with your friends for just that few hundred dollars?

Is it worth sacrificing friendship for money?

Do you want to know your own future? Or do you make your own future? Is your future determined by yourself or you let some nonsensical think-they-know-it-all tell you about it by just looking at you?

I am puzzled. Maybe only that one guy will know what I’m trying to say here, right?

Is my way of thinking changing? For the better or for the worse?

Seriously. Dreams are always dashed. In the end, you work hard for nothing.

The world is void of feelings. In the end, you care for self-centred people.

Foolish huh?

I still glad to have some good friends around. I guess they are my only reason now to keep me going.

It is noble ‘if I suffer alone and she will be happier, I am willing to suffer this fate again and again’.

So what? It appears foolish to some people.

I am tired. I am tired. I really am. I am disappointed. I am puzzled. I have lost hope.

And I can sense that all the hopes I’ve pinned for myself are going to fall on me.

Edit @ 3.28pm, 6 March 2008:

Sorry, but somehow I want this post to be at the top. Refer to below for newer posts.

The 3rd 21st birthday party. EP.

The 2nd 21st birthday party. EP.

The 1st 21st birthday party. EP.

I think I’ll do something like this for every 21st birthday party I attend.

Something like what I’ve done for Ah Lye.

So this is for my primary school buddy Chew Soon Kueh.

Coming up will be for Desmond and Luis.